It is important to realize that you are the most important person in the life of the abused, especially when she (the female pronoun will be used in this section) reveals the abuse. It took Susie 15 years before she revealed that her brother had abused her in childhood. Perhaps the trauma of having been abused over a thousand times had made her fear his power so much that she had to keep it a secret to survive. At this point, the person needs you more than life itself. Recognize that the abused feels shame and guilt and embarrassment and that, with therapy and support, she will have a chance to avoid the many diseases that accompany this syndrome. If she doesn't like the psychologist she's seeing, support her decision to find another professional. A book that helped Susie even more than the therapy of a psychologist is The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. This book has been revised and continues to be published under different titles but the original (1992) is still available on Amazon.com and other reseller websites.

Understand that you must go along with the abused if she decides to sever relationships with her family, even if they're some of your best tennis buddies. It's all about sacrifice and, yes, sometimes such sacrifice is very difficult. On the other hand, as the months or years roll by, if the survivor wants to rekindle relationships with his or her family, that decision also needs your support. It may be difficult to understand how a survivor could want to be around the person that abused her or to socialize with her family that ostracized her. But love means understanding and doing what is best for the survivor. Yet, that doesn't mean that the spouse or partner needs to attend a family Thanksgiving Day reunion if it means nausea at the dinner table. The survivor should know that she is free to spend time with her family whenever she wants to and on whatever holiday she chooses. However, she should understand that her spouse may not want to accompany her and that that decision is a spousal right.

There's no doubt that it is difficult to live with one who has been sexually abused. It may be hard for this person to trust you since childhood sexual abuse usually shatters the capacity to trust. And trust should be present in any worthwhile relationship. Typically this person will suffer either mentally or physically, or both. This may require hospitalizations, psychotherapy, or a lifetime of drug therapy. She may vent anger on you. And being on the receiving end of this anger is not easy. Interpersonal problems such as these can explain why many marriages involving those sexually abused end in divorce.

However, if there was ever a person who needs and deserves social support, it is one who has been sexually abused. God gives each of us stress and challenges but it seems that the SA survivor has more than her share. And, down deep inside, under all that psychological camouflage, is a wonderful person who wants to share and trust and is very worthy of your love and support.